Is this real?

You know how I admitted to being an anxious freak on my first post? Well. Things have not changed, my friends. Sometimes I think Xanax would do me a world of good.

I am leaving this country in less than two weeks, and it's safe to say that I feel like I'm going to die. I've been planning this trip for a year and half now, but it's almost like I've been planning it for someone else. Nope. I'm the one going. Weird.

I said my first round of goodbyes this past Sunday when I was leaving Kentucky. It was the last time I will see them until Christmas, sure, but I feel like the last four months and last four months before that have gone by awfully quick. Christmas WILL be here before we all know it. I'm finally understanding what old people mean when they say the time flies. Anyways, these goodbyes were indeed a little teary and I realized I was having to convince myself that I'm not dying, like much of family seems to think I am.

In other perspectives I feel like I'm dying (total exaggeration, get used to them) because I have so. much. to do! I stare at this Godforsaken packing list of mine everyday hoping that if I send enough evil glares in its direction that maybe it will shrink a little, or disappear altogether.

I'm vaguely considering renaming my going away party. I should call it my "going awaybutcomingbackveryshortly party." What do you think?

I guess I should just feel loved that people are actually sad over not seeing me for awhile. Maybe I'm not so bad after all? But the problem is, I can't even handle my emotions so throwing everyone else's into the pot makes for an anxious freak (see my Inaugural post).

And then- there's the boy. You see, I'm really quite attached to the little fella. I've never gone more than a week without seeing him in over three years. I'm going to do my darnedest to not be obnoxious over the fact that I'm going to miss him with every fiber of my being. I've always told myself that I would never be dependent on anyone but myself. But the fact that I will need an act of God to will my legs to walk away from him just might allude to the fact that I shot that notion of independence to hell a long time ago. I need him and I'm not afraid to admit it. He is the single best thing that has ever happened to me.

And then there's also Jackie (my mama). My sister is moving to Ohio University next Friday and then I leave the following Wednesday. I haven't lived with my mother in almost two years, but I know it's taking a stab at her heart that we're both leaving at the same time. And how will she show it? By being as absolutely grumpy as she can possibly be. That's okay, I love her anyways.

Realistically, I won't be finished packing until Megan picks me up to go to the airport (I am my mother's child) so I'm not sure why I bother being all crazy about packing and lists. It never seems to motivate me so what good does it do??

OH. And my flight has been changed- again. On August 29 I will depart Dayton at 8:47 am and arrive in Shanghai at 5:45 pm the next day. Let me fully express my excitement for a straight twenty hours in airports/on airplanes. Yippee.

Despite everything, I really am so excited to go. This is the opportunity of a lifetime and I'm ready to embrace it. It's really eerie how everything has just fallen into place. I've had so many donations that I'm actually getting a small refund from ILP for what little money I actually paid into my program fee, and to think there was a time when I thought I might not be able to go. I truly believe that I am meant to do this and it's going to change my life for the better. I can't wait :)