Potpourri

Well, today was crazy. I'll just cut to the chase.

In my rotation of first graders, one kid decided to go absolutely nuts because he was "out" in the game. He punched another girl in the class in the face and when I got up to grab him he started swinging at me and trying to rip my hair out. Today was not your day, buddy.

Naturally, I grabbed his arms put him in a headlock. Then he started trying to bite me. I was so done at this point! I dragged him outside and down the hall to a Chinese teacher who took care of him. Is there a full moon or something? The kids have been animals this week. Maybe they know about how I've been feeling, and they're doing their best to make sure I don't miss them. Clever little children, they are. I must admit, no matter how bad they are, I still love them more than anything.

I've started to notice the smallest things about them that make me smile. Like Colin's giggle, for example. If I could bottle up that sound, I'd be happy for the rest of my life. That sounds like a good idea. I need a bottle of Colin's giggle, a bottle of Ricky kisses, a bottle of butterfly kisses from Candy, and a bottle of love from them all. Shouldn't be too hard to acquire, right?

I've decided to change my major (I think). Clearly this post has no rhyme or reason and it's just going to be a giant conglomerate of things. The very first time I remember saying that I wanted to be a nurse, I was five years old. I was at the hospital because I had broken my foot and I said it to the doctor. I've wanted that for as long as I can remember. I love medicine. I have a passion for medicine, and for people. Nursing was the perfect career choice. So I thought, anyways. I have learned so much about myself since I've been here. Most of it is because of the sheer distance. There is no one to convince me one way or another. Being so far away from home has really given me a clear outlook on my life. I see things that I never had before.

I'm going to apply for the Athletic Training program at Wright State this Spring. I can't believe I just typed that sentence after I swore that I would never go back there. I want to do this for several reasons. Number one, whatever I do, I deeply need to be involved in medicine somehow. I know for sure that I want that. Number two, I want to teach. I never knew that about myself until I came here and started doing it. More specifically, I want to teach English as a second language to little kids. There's not much of a demand for that in my area, but I'll make it work somehow. Because Athletic Training is actually an education degree, all I would need to teach is a certificate in teaching in addition to my degree. Thirdly, I have a passion for sports, but I never viewed that as anything more than a hobby. I played soccer for the majority of my life and was really involved with football when I was in high school. The thought of getting paid to sit at football games on Friday nights and soccer games makes me absolutely giddy. I love it.

Going back to the clarity thing, it's funny to me that I never came to this conclusion before. Athletic Training is the perfect combination of everything that I love and love to do. I'm hoping that it works out because I haven't been this excited about school in a long time. The program only accepts 16-20 people once a year so we will see. I'm optimistic about it. My sister made an interesting comment a few weeks ago over email.

"Maybe by "chasing life in china," you've found what you want to be doing with yours!"

It just so happens that I think I have. Another thing that's been clear to me since I've been here, is just how much I love that boy of mine. I'd be lying if I said this ordeal had been a walk in the park for us. It took a lot of stress for me to realize that it's a good thing to miss him as much as I do. I can't imagine my life without him and I don't want to. Being apart has been so hard, but so good in a lot of ways. I will never take the small things for granted again. The ridiculous noises he makes to make me laugh, futile attempts at tickling me, holding hands in the car, making late night food runs, forehead kisses, and telling him that his hugs "weren't real" just so I could have another one. Those are the best. I think that it speaks volumes about him that he encouraged me to do this. He understood how much I needed it, even more than I did. I've found someone who understands me better than I understand myself. Someone who truly, honestly, deeply wants what is best for me, even if I ever decided that that wasn't with him. Yeah, he said that, but I'd be concerned for my mental state if I ever took him up on that. Whenever I think about how sad it's going to be to leave China, I just think about what our life together is going to be like and all the exciting things that are coming our way. And when I do that, I think I'd hop on a plane tomorrow.

In all aspects of life right now, I certainly could not ask for more.